What Matters Most (My Best Friend)

I’ve lived my life as best as I know how,
Sometimes right, sometimes wrong; and for regrets it’s far to late now.

I’ve seen sunny days I hoped would never end, when the world was at my feet,
Now the rain has come, this storm of life, I’m not ready to give up, to lie in eternal sleep.

Dreams yet realized, sights still left to behold,
I still have enough living in me to last me ‘til I’m old.

Should the Lord see fit, to end this life and take my breath away,
I’ll simply ask for one more day Lord, one final chance for the many things yet to say.

I can accept if my time has come, with some sadness in my heart,
That some things will remain undone, some dreams are just to far.

There is one thing that breaks my heart, and brings about my tears,
I wont be there for those I love, no longer to hold them near.

My voice that will be silent, my words no longer felt,
My smile just a memory, my love no longer given out.

I’d hoped to watch my babies grow, to give my Kailee-bug away,
To see her smile, and love in her heart, upon her wedding day.

To see Cody-boy become a man, a family of his own some day,
To give advice, when life is tough, and guide him in a father’s special way.

Above all else to say “I love you” to those who I hold dear,
To be there for a laugh, a smile, or to wipe away a tear.

In the good times and the bad, through the thick and through the thin,
I’ve measured not my success from my place in this world, but on the love I have from friends.

Some have passed, far to young, but a chosen few remain to help me up on my way down,
A simple look, a few choice words, or just a hug and a smile to chase away my frown.

Every one has touched my heart, and helped to make me who I am,
I’ve loved and lost through out my life, yet there’s still this man.

My greatest friend I’ve loved so deep, since the day we met,
Has stood firm despite her tears, and the weight upon her chest.

Through peaks and valleys in our lives, she’s done her very best,
To stand by me, and asks no more, than honor, caring and respect.

I’ve not done well at giving her these things she’s gave to me,
I break my word, put her through hell, her self I never let her be.

To you , I wish I had the chance to make things right,
To start anew and hurt you by no means, to have never had a fight.

I’m here today, through the grace of God, and the love I have from you,
I’m stronger, better, and less afraid because you’ve helped me through.

You never quit, no matter the pain, I’ve brought into your life.
Thanks to you; your love and care, through my stinging tears, I believe my life wont end tonight.

You never asked for me to bear my soul, to place my pain on you,
You’ve stood there while I sought my comfort in dragging you down too.

I know it’s hard to have to live knowing how I hurt,
To be my friend, feeling helpless, depressed and unable to make it work.

Inside my soul there’s still a light, that sparkles due to hope,
It carries me through these trying days; fights back fear and sorrow; it’s what helps me cope.

Thanks to God and all his grace, and to no small part to you,
Ill stand back up, from falling down, and start all my days to come anew.

When times are hard and I wanna quit, you’re there to lend a hand,
I’m gonna give you all I’ve got, honor you, and take this final stand.

Ill not give up, I will be strong. With faith and true belief,
That I will live and be there for you, in twenty years should YOU one day have grief.

You didn’t only save my life you helped make my life worth saving, and ill fight with all I’ve got,
So that you may never feel the pain of seeing me fade away; dying young, and living with that thought.

I cant go yet into the heavens, for I have a debt to pay,
I owe you, what you’ve done for me, and so tonight I pray.

That God will give me the time, to be a better friend to you,
In easy times and in the bad, ill make this vow stay true.

I’ll not give up or leave your side, I’ll be the friend you seek,
Nor will I take the easy path, just because it is best for me.

I feel that I have known you, for all of my life it seems,
All I’ve got to give you now, is my friendship for the rest of my life, and everything that means.

Tonight before God and you, I say thank you for being my friend,
And when the Lord calls me home, I’ll smile and not be sad, cause there was you in my life up until the very end…
　
　

Life is not fair, only eventful (repost from Myspace Blog)

In my youth, was a promise; a hope of a tomorrow yet to come. Had I known as a child what truly lay ahead for me, I would not have rushed blindly forward, longing for adulthood. I would have taken so much more time to enjoy carefree days and untroubled dreams that are the blessings of innocence and ignorance. My years on earth have taught me one great and overwhelming fact: what is in the past can never be undone. Mistakes and regrets are doomed to follow me all of the days I am yet to live. Thoughts of love acquired and lost, friends found and taken away, dreams realized and quashed. Do all these become illusions as I grow in knowledge and years, or is there still a reality I’ve yet to find.

I am still to determine which of these is of greatest remorse to me personally, or whether there truly are second chances in life. I have witnessed that only very few people through either sheer will, luck, or divine intervention ever find the right magic, the perfect combination of events to have the chance to realize the same dream twice. On one hand I am told to live as thought there is no tomorrow, and on the other I am told to relax and become a patient man. Yet again I am unsure of which path is correct; having tried both I am left as confused as when I began my journey. Yes, maybe there is a time and place for both but not being able to accomplish both at the same time in any one situation, I sometimes find myself doing neither. I simply am unsure, and I do nothing but observe from a safe distance, attempting to avoid the pain of being incorrect. No longer living and loving on purpose.

It has become painfully clear that only after the fact do I realize which path was true and just for any certain occurrence or problem in my life. Having no one to guide me on this journey through life, I am left to my own flawed decision making and I am more often than not left with these errors in my judgment as my calling card; hurting both on my part as well as others involved.

Any one man is only left with so many apologies in him with which too make amends and to be allowed to continue in any relationship. When I’m sorry takes on the tone of insincerity, the only options left available now become dependent on the soul of the injured and the hurt who must decide the worthiness and fate of the wrongful individual; the eventual outcome. This can be devastating and emotionally indifferent to the apologizing heart. To feel it is better in the long run to get out while you can replaces the desire to try again for the sake of love. Hurt feelings become anger and bitterness; an attempt to leave behind the pain and effort of giving in to natural human error, to not see things through to the other side. The idea that every storm has a front, and an end is lost in the heat of battle, and then not addressed until it is to late. The notion that one should never end an argument angry is seldom practiced.

Is there ever true forgiveness in man, or does this exist only as a divine ideal. With true forgiveness should come reconciliation. The thought that one can be forgiven and not allowed to carry on as before eludes even me no matter how hard I strive against it. Does man-kind do imperfect deeds so as to draw us closer to the only perfect being, the Lord, or is it simply free will.

Is that what we have become reduced to; a world of beings simply doing what feels good to us, lost in self. Do friendship and love not deserve more. Many would say it has ended because it wasn’t meant to be, but then why enter into it in the first place. Is it for attention or affection? If that is the case, then I must continue to ask why enter it in the first place. Are those things you only want for awhile and then become tired of, no longer needing. Of course not! It is human nature to desire the comfort and caring of another. It is one thing to enter into a relationship in too big a hurry and only later realize the person you are with is not who you hoped, but it is another to decide the effort becomes to arduous a task to be of importance. Frustrations are normal, and cannot be helped when two people become close. To see such as a reason to take away ones caring from another becomes cruel and possibly insurmountable for the one being left behind, stationary in life.

After such an occurrence, why is it not reasonable to feel left out, forgotten and betrayed. Yes, betrayed! By placing trust and love and your emotions in another’s control, it can only be reasonable to also assume that they bear some guilt and responsibility in the aftermath and subsequent lack of emotional rebound that sometimes never takes place. As my time on this earth rolls by faster and faster with each passing day, I cannot help but feel that it is beginning to slowly creep up on me, one day overtaking me and quieting my last breath upon which I pray is one last word of hope. Should I run out of time, is the search enough to allow my body a quiet sleep, and my soul to be at peace.

Or shall I continue my search for completion and comfort long after this life has ended and I have moved on to the next. Is simply settling for contentment enough to achieve fulfillment. Is anyone ever truly happy. If so what then, do we move to a new search, or do we start the same journey over again, leaving behind what brought us peace in the first place; do we become trapped in complacency. Does happiness in itself provide enough to keep us settled. Is there happiness in contentment, or contentment in happiness?
　

"And so she walked out of our lives....forever." I never pictured the day would come where you would be leaving without me....Later Tater

You could always stay....If not…Colorado will be here waiting for you should you decide to return…and so will I....It's not going anywhere....And neither am I. I miss you…I love you….and I am praying for you. Go...Chase that dream girl.....Follow your heart…The sun will rise for you at least one more day….and every night you say that…is one day closer until I see you again. I'll be here keeping watch over your dream for you until you return to chase it again. With ever growing anticipation I will wait….happy to see again and return it to its dreamer. Those mountains in your rearview mirror will keep for you in their high….mist covered valleys this dream of yours as well...along with my heart…should you return and find my soul has moved on. For though the Lord may have my soul, my heart belongs to these mountains….and to you. If you look every morning….just before the sun breaks the horizon….and every evening….as it goes to bed….there among the mist….and the wind in the pines….high on our mountain….if you are quiet…you will see me….I will wait always….and look for you. Remember this....a dream is what YOU make of it….and is only as sweet as the last time you lived it…the last time you felt it in your soul…. and the last time you slept under it's stars. Sleep tight....and keep on dreaming…cause hearts like yours are why Colorado is here. It's never good-bye… for either here or there….this world or the next....whether in dreams or in love…if you have faith…it's only "See you later....when we're together again....some day" Later Tater............