Remember Me

Do you remember me? Do you know who I am? I'm your...son, daughter, brother, sister, husband, wife, father, mother, uncle, aunt, nephew, neice, grandson, granddaughter, boyfriend, girlfriend, cousin, best friend, fiance, neighbor, arent you proud?

Are you still there? Did I do something wrong? Did I make you angry? Arent you missing me? Because I miss you. I need you to support me. To be behind me. I need you to tell me that you'll be waiting for me.

Why? You're what I'm fighting for. I wan tto come home to smiling faces.

But if I dont...I need to know that you love me and that you'll miss me. I do my job. I dont ask for much. Some people hate me. But I dont complain. All I want is for you to say "I'm proud of you." "I remember." I am lucky and greatful to have you in my life. I love you. I miss you. I'll be home soon. Remember me.

The Kiss Remains

Standing alone I sway
Until she catches me in her arms
She is warmth and love
And she is longing and desire
I turn my face to her
And she catches my lips into hers
She is the match that carries a glowing fire
The solitary drink to quench my thirst
And at long last she relieves me
For just one minute she is mine
The woman I have longed to hold
Now holding me back
I am completely taken from myself
And thrust into this euphoria of her presence
Then I wake
My heart is weakened
And my senses still numb
Yet still I smile
Because although the dream has disappeared....
The kiss remains

Limiting Our Love Based on Fears

"It's always a risk to love. First century or twenty-first century."....

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."-C.S. Lewis

"You may have experienced deep hurt because you made the choice to love. It would be only natural to tell yourself, 'I'm never going to open myself up to that kind of pain again.' Of course you feel that way. Who wants to be wounded? Lewis's statement reminds us that there is an even deeper hurt to be found in not loving than in taking the risk to love. If you chose not to love, not only will you be hurt, but the people you could have loved will be hurt in ways you may never know."

"Take the risk to love! Take the risk, and begin to set aside a prejudice that has kept an entire group or nationality of people outside the bounds of your love. Take the risk, and begin again to love someone whom you've stopped loving or have refused to love. God knows that when we refuse to love, bitterness and a feeling of emptiness inevitably grow in our hearts. No hurt or misunderstanding or sin that has been brought on you could be worth the greater hurt of refusing to love."

"Love is the greatest risk you'll ever take. There are people who will skydive off Yosemite Valley's El Capitan, yet they are afraid to take the risk to love. I know CEOs who woouldn't flinch from a billion dollar deal, yet they are terrified to love. It's a risk to love, but it is the one risk worth taking more than any other. Keep this in mind: the one relationship you can truly count on is your relationship to Jesus Christ. Lean on your relationship to HIM as you take the risk to love others. Others may disappoint-but Jesus will never fail you."

From the book "The Relationship Principles of Jesus" by Tom Holladay.

What Matters Most (My Best Friend)

I’ve lived my life as best as I know how,
Sometimes right, sometimes wrong; and for regrets it’s far to late now.

I’ve seen sunny days I hoped would never end, when the world was at my feet,
Now the rain has come, this storm of life, I’m not ready to give up, to lie in eternal sleep.

Dreams yet realized, sights still left to behold,
I still have enough living in me to last me ‘til I’m old.

Should the Lord see fit, to end this life and take my breath away,
I’ll simply ask for one more day Lord, one final chance for the many things yet to say.

I can accept if my time has come, with some sadness in my heart,
That some things will remain undone, some dreams are just to far.

There is one thing that breaks my heart, and brings about my tears,
I wont be there for those I love, no longer to hold them near.

My voice that will be silent, my words no longer felt,
My smile just a memory, my love no longer given out.

I’d hoped to watch my babies grow, to give my Kailee-bug away,
To see her smile, and love in her heart, upon her wedding day.

To see Cody-boy become a man, a family of his own some day,
To give advice, when life is tough, and guide him in a father’s special way.

Above all else to say “I love you” to those who I hold dear,
To be there for a laugh, a smile, or to wipe away a tear.

In the good times and the bad, through the thick and through the thin,
I’ve measured not my success from my place in this world, but on the love I have from friends.

Some have passed, far to young, but a chosen few remain to help me up on my way down,
A simple look, a few choice words, or just a hug and a smile to chase away my frown.

Every one has touched my heart, and helped to make me who I am,
I’ve loved and lost through out my life, yet there’s still this man.

My greatest friend I’ve loved so deep, since the day we met,
Has stood firm despite her tears, and the weight upon her chest.

Through peaks and valleys in our lives, she’s done her very best,
To stand by me, and asks no more, than honor, caring and respect.

I’ve not done well at giving her these things she’s gave to me,
I break my word, put her through hell, her self I never let her be.

To you , I wish I had the chance to make things right,
To start anew and hurt you by no means, to have never had a fight.

I’m here today, through the grace of God, and the love I have from you,
I’m stronger, better, and less afraid because you’ve helped me through.

You never quit, no matter the pain, I’ve brought into your life.
Thanks to you; your love and care, through my stinging tears, I believe my life wont end tonight.

You never asked for me to bear my soul, to place my pain on you,
You’ve stood there while I sought my comfort in dragging you down too.

I know it’s hard to have to live knowing how I hurt,
To be my friend, feeling helpless, depressed and unable to make it work.

Inside my soul there’s still a light, that sparkles due to hope,
It carries me through these trying days; fights back fear and sorrow; it’s what helps me cope.

Thanks to God and all his grace, and to no small part to you,
Ill stand back up, from falling down, and start all my days to come anew.

When times are hard and I wanna quit, you’re there to lend a hand,
I’m gonna give you all I’ve got, honor you, and take this final stand.

Ill not give up, I will be strong. With faith and true belief,
That I will live and be there for you, in twenty years should YOU one day have grief.

You didn’t only save my life you helped make my life worth saving, and ill fight with all I’ve got,
So that you may never feel the pain of seeing me fade away; dying young, and living with that thought.

I cant go yet into the heavens, for I have a debt to pay,
I owe you, what you’ve done for me, and so tonight I pray.

That God will give me the time, to be a better friend to you,
In easy times and in the bad, ill make this vow stay true.

I’ll not give up or leave your side, I’ll be the friend you seek,
Nor will I take the easy path, just because it is best for me.

I feel that I have known you, for all of my life it seems,
All I’ve got to give you now, is my friendship for the rest of my life, and everything that means.

Tonight before God and you, I say thank you for being my friend,
And when the Lord calls me home, I’ll smile and not be sad, cause there was you in my life up until the very end…
　
　

Thoughts on Love

“Somewhere, someone dreams of your smile and finds your presence in life so worthwhile. So when you are lonely, remember it’s true that someone, somewhere, is thinking of you.”

“Always be happy, always wear a smile, not because life is full of reasons to smile but because your smile itself is a reason for many others to smile.”

“I love you, those three words have my life in them.”

“I’d like to run awayFrom you,But if you didn’t comeAnd find me…I would die.”

“ I have been astonished that men could die martyrs
For their religion-I have shuddered at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyred for my religion.
Love is my religionAnd I could die for that-
I could die for you.”

“What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

“Other men said they have seen angels,But I have seen thee;And thou art enough.”

“Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like nobody’s watching.”

“At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.”

“A friend is a treasure
More precious than gold,
For love shared is priceless
And never grows old.”

“Looking back, I have this to regret; that too often when I loved, I did not say so.”

“It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.”

“Love is like playing the piano, first you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.”

“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love, the running across fields into your lovers arms can only come later when you're sure they wont laugh if you trip.”

“There are never enough “I love you’s.”

“Love needs to display all its entire splendor, like a peacock, before it can be appreciated.”

“Many waters are not able to quench love, nor can the rivers flood it away.”

“And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

“Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”

“Let not the hours pass by in the dark. Kindle the lamp of love with thy life.”

“You can fall from the sky,
You can fall from a tree,
But the best way to fall,
Is in love with me.”

“As days go by, my feelings get stronger
To be in your arms, I can’t wait any longer,
Look into my eyes and you’ll see it’s true
Day and night, my thoughts are of you.”

“My biggest reward is to see you smile, know you are happy, and feel you are loved. I know life is sometimes cruel, but that’s why I am here, to show you that life can be good when somebody cares.”

“What is love? Those who don’t like it call it responsibility. Those who play with it call it a game. Those who don’t have it call it a dream. Those who understand it call it destiny. And me, I call it you.” 　

Life is not fair, only eventful (repost from Myspace Blog)

In my youth, was a promise; a hope of a tomorrow yet to come. Had I known as a child what truly lay ahead for me, I would not have rushed blindly forward, longing for adulthood. I would have taken so much more time to enjoy carefree days and untroubled dreams that are the blessings of innocence and ignorance. My years on earth have taught me one great and overwhelming fact: what is in the past can never be undone. Mistakes and regrets are doomed to follow me all of the days I am yet to live. Thoughts of love acquired and lost, friends found and taken away, dreams realized and quashed. Do all these become illusions as I grow in knowledge and years, or is there still a reality I’ve yet to find.

I am still to determine which of these is of greatest remorse to me personally, or whether there truly are second chances in life. I have witnessed that only very few people through either sheer will, luck, or divine intervention ever find the right magic, the perfect combination of events to have the chance to realize the same dream twice. On one hand I am told to live as thought there is no tomorrow, and on the other I am told to relax and become a patient man. Yet again I am unsure of which path is correct; having tried both I am left as confused as when I began my journey. Yes, maybe there is a time and place for both but not being able to accomplish both at the same time in any one situation, I sometimes find myself doing neither. I simply am unsure, and I do nothing but observe from a safe distance, attempting to avoid the pain of being incorrect. No longer living and loving on purpose.

It has become painfully clear that only after the fact do I realize which path was true and just for any certain occurrence or problem in my life. Having no one to guide me on this journey through life, I am left to my own flawed decision making and I am more often than not left with these errors in my judgment as my calling card; hurting both on my part as well as others involved.

Any one man is only left with so many apologies in him with which too make amends and to be allowed to continue in any relationship. When I’m sorry takes on the tone of insincerity, the only options left available now become dependent on the soul of the injured and the hurt who must decide the worthiness and fate of the wrongful individual; the eventual outcome. This can be devastating and emotionally indifferent to the apologizing heart. To feel it is better in the long run to get out while you can replaces the desire to try again for the sake of love. Hurt feelings become anger and bitterness; an attempt to leave behind the pain and effort of giving in to natural human error, to not see things through to the other side. The idea that every storm has a front, and an end is lost in the heat of battle, and then not addressed until it is to late. The notion that one should never end an argument angry is seldom practiced.

Is there ever true forgiveness in man, or does this exist only as a divine ideal. With true forgiveness should come reconciliation. The thought that one can be forgiven and not allowed to carry on as before eludes even me no matter how hard I strive against it. Does man-kind do imperfect deeds so as to draw us closer to the only perfect being, the Lord, or is it simply free will.

Is that what we have become reduced to; a world of beings simply doing what feels good to us, lost in self. Do friendship and love not deserve more. Many would say it has ended because it wasn’t meant to be, but then why enter into it in the first place. Is it for attention or affection? If that is the case, then I must continue to ask why enter it in the first place. Are those things you only want for awhile and then become tired of, no longer needing. Of course not! It is human nature to desire the comfort and caring of another. It is one thing to enter into a relationship in too big a hurry and only later realize the person you are with is not who you hoped, but it is another to decide the effort becomes to arduous a task to be of importance. Frustrations are normal, and cannot be helped when two people become close. To see such as a reason to take away ones caring from another becomes cruel and possibly insurmountable for the one being left behind, stationary in life.

After such an occurrence, why is it not reasonable to feel left out, forgotten and betrayed. Yes, betrayed! By placing trust and love and your emotions in another’s control, it can only be reasonable to also assume that they bear some guilt and responsibility in the aftermath and subsequent lack of emotional rebound that sometimes never takes place. As my time on this earth rolls by faster and faster with each passing day, I cannot help but feel that it is beginning to slowly creep up on me, one day overtaking me and quieting my last breath upon which I pray is one last word of hope. Should I run out of time, is the search enough to allow my body a quiet sleep, and my soul to be at peace.

Or shall I continue my search for completion and comfort long after this life has ended and I have moved on to the next. Is simply settling for contentment enough to achieve fulfillment. Is anyone ever truly happy. If so what then, do we move to a new search, or do we start the same journey over again, leaving behind what brought us peace in the first place; do we become trapped in complacency. Does happiness in itself provide enough to keep us settled. Is there happiness in contentment, or contentment in happiness?
　

A Horse Named Life (Repost)

A Horse Called Life
It is said that confession is cleansing to the soul....while my confessions for past and present sins are given to the Lord, and I have only just begun to feel clean in spirit, my mind continues to wonder in and out of salvation. The thoughts of right and wrong in my life continue to give me trouble and cast doubts upon my desire for true harmony and peace of mind. History is proven to repeat itself to the ignorant and unprepared. I currently sit in a position in life I have found myself in before and am at loss as to which path to take. The desire to live and love on purpose has yet again been met with resistance by outside forces and people who have a direct effect on the outcome of my position and well being. Though try as I may, I have allowed my destiny to be in part entertained with another's soul, and have been met in turn with the sadness that comes from failure. Whether through fault of my own or at the hands of another, the outcome remains the same. A belief in hope and of dreams, of love and happiness; destined to become sour and turn ever more bitter as the days drag by. Yet again I find myself being thrown by the horse of life. Once more to pick myself back up off the ground of eternity and attempt to break the pony of my own destiny, before I am far to old and beaten down to finish the ride. When does one decide that some horses aren't meant to be tamed; rather their born to a more wild and free existence that if we are lucky enough we may catch a glimpse of as they run through the breaks and meadows of life's plan. Do I continue to hold to a hope of a better tomorrow, of a love yet found, or do I decide that it's time for someone else to break this pony to ride, and resign myself to letting the younger and more able of this world to dream, and sit out the rest of my time on the fence rail, watching. Is there an answer out there in the moonlight; is there enough magic left in the stars for me to believe; for hope...for faith....for love...forever.
　

A Cowboy Is....

A cowboy is the way he is because he works with stock.
He’s learned it’s best to ease along,
To find the rhyme in their song,
And not to fret if days are long,
Because cows don’t punch a clock.

That separates him from the crowd that keeps a job in town.
That stacks the boxes all in rows,
Or bolts the knobs on radios,
But when the whistle blows,
They lay the hammers down.

A job ain’t done until it’s done-that’s life down on the ranch..
To gather those who tend to stray,
To treat the sick on Christmas Day,
And if she needs your help, to stay,
Until she’s safe from harm.

You see, you just cant quit a cow, sometimes you’re all she’s got.
No reinforcements in the hall,
No 911 to hear her call,
Just you, and nobody else, that’s all,
To get her trough the spot.

His calling is as old as time. It is, will be, and was.
Through blizzards, bogs, and barbed wire fence,
He stands against the pestilence,
And though he feigns indifference,
He’s proud of what he does.

It’s done without a second thought by those who tend the stock.
“It’s what I do,” you’ll heat them say,
With no demand for higher pay,
And I believe they are that way,
Because they work with stock.

This Is Love (Repost) God Is So Awesome

Through my weakness, I have been restored in my heart. God has seen fit to replace the pain I carried over the loss of love and companionship with something far greater and lasting...real, true love and a loyal and faithful soul mate . I feel perfect, Christ-like love where before existed only flawed, conditional love. I am accepted and approved of, wanted and appreciated. When the Lord closes a door, he opens a window!!!

The fresh clean air rushing in has renewed me in spirit and body and chased away the darkness and fear. The view is glorious....the sky is crystal clear, the sun is bright and warm, the grass is lush and green. On the breeze is the faint smell of nature, God's masterpiece. The sounds of the world again fill my ears, overwhelming me with comfort that I am not alone on this earth. Who knew locked on the outside of the very same door which kept me locked inside of my heart, would be another's heart so giving and tender, patient and unassuming, and honest and trusting, waiting to look through the now open window of my soul....and see me for me, accept me for me, and love me for me. For you I repost this....and believe it was waiting for you all along.


Love is a strange and beautiful thing,
It spans time and space, distance is no object to love.
You will wait forever for the one you love,
Travel wherever you need to be with them.
When you are in the arms of the one you love,
That love can make a moment last a lifetime,
Yet make a lifetime seem no more than a moment.
When love is distant it grows strong,
When it returns it flowers.
People crave it, strive for it, fight for it, and die for it,
And when they find it, they know they are complete.
For in the arms of the one we love is wholeness,
Belief, completeness, passion, and security.
The one we love is someone for whom we would do anything,
And never ask for anything in return.
It produces a love of all that person is and will ever be,
Regardless of what that may mean to me.
Love knows that when you are away,
That you are still loved, cherished, thought after, and missed
By the one you love,
And they know that you love them back.
That is Love.

"And so she walked out of our lives....forever." I never pictured the day would come where you would be leaving without me....Later Tater

You could always stay....If not…Colorado will be here waiting for you should you decide to return…and so will I....It's not going anywhere....And neither am I. I miss you…I love you….and I am praying for you. Go...Chase that dream girl.....Follow your heart…The sun will rise for you at least one more day….and every night you say that…is one day closer until I see you again. I'll be here keeping watch over your dream for you until you return to chase it again. With ever growing anticipation I will wait….happy to see again and return it to its dreamer. Those mountains in your rearview mirror will keep for you in their high….mist covered valleys this dream of yours as well...along with my heart…should you return and find my soul has moved on. For though the Lord may have my soul, my heart belongs to these mountains….and to you. If you look every morning….just before the sun breaks the horizon….and every evening….as it goes to bed….there among the mist….and the wind in the pines….high on our mountain….if you are quiet…you will see me….I will wait always….and look for you. Remember this....a dream is what YOU make of it….and is only as sweet as the last time you lived it…the last time you felt it in your soul…. and the last time you slept under it's stars. Sleep tight....and keep on dreaming…cause hearts like yours are why Colorado is here. It's never good-bye… for either here or there….this world or the next....whether in dreams or in love…if you have faith…it's only "See you later....when we're together again....some day" Later Tater............

Pain

As I lay here, hoping the medications I'm taking do their job, and ease the pain in my body, I write if for nothing more than to occupy my mind and think of anything but the awful pain.....

Yet again at this, my time of need, I find myself able to only think of prayer, and God. Instead of giving in to doubt and fear, I chose to step forward in my mind as I once did as a Soldier in life; tired, weak, confused, but never failing.

When in doubt, keep moving, one foot methodically in front of the other. Following the footsteps of the man in front of me.

Many times I remember setting goals for myself on the mind numbing, agonizingly painful walks into seeming oblivion.

"Just keep walking, make it til the sun starts to go down, then maybe there will be rest, just keep walking, make it til the sun is gone and it gets dark, then maybe there will be rest, just keep walking, make it til its pitch black, then maybe there will be rest, just keep walking."

Rest does not come. Onward into the night I walk. No direction, following faithfully the man in front of me.

"Make it till the dark becomes purple, purple becomes dark blue, and dark blue becomes lighter, and lighter...."

"Make it til the oranges and pinks and yellows begin to show, pushing back the blackness....Just keep walking, rest cannot be far from me now. Just keep walking, the sun is peaking over the horizon, rest cannot be far now."

"Don’t stop moving, pick my feet up and set them down again, ignore the pain, the want to quit,....never stop moving. This pain reminds me that I am still here, still alive.....ALIVE"

"Just keep walking, there it is!!! The sun is pushing back the cold, the fear, the unknown. Just keep walking, for there will be rest, when I'm done moving there will be rest. Until it's my turn, I've got to keep walking."

Following the man in front of me who knows this pain, knows this journey.Faithfully, trusting in Christ as he leads me to my time and place of rest, To lay down the heavy burdens on my back I carry as I move, as I keep walking through life, waiting for those simple words...."Stop walking, you've done enough...rest now"

.....Remeber, you are never truly alone. When the world and all that lives upon it are absent from your life; are living their own lives....stop looking outside for comfort; look inside your self and your heart and soul. For there, all along....was the Lord, and he knows your journey, and he has shared your pain and he has seen your tears.....

In the quiet and the Hell of life, He was with you every step of the way because he loves you.....

"God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you a way out." 1 Corinthians 10:13